There is a very short list of topics that I like to write about, namely race, religion, and relationships.

I haven’t written about the latter in some time now because I haven’t had a relationship in….years? decades? Epochs? Since dinosaurs existed…Who knows.

I’ve had sailed ships, and missed ships, a sunken (drunken?) ship here or there and one run aground (and amok) ship, but nothing that resembles a relationship.

Yet, this is the thing that folks are most likely to ask: the status of my relationship(s). Or, the reason for the lack thereof.  This Monday I ran into a friend – a co-chemistry major from college– at a work get together. I hadn’t seen him in five years but thanks to FB knew that he’d had a 4th son in those intervening years. This inevitably led us down the path of discovery, discussing the status of spouses and kids and pets. Except I don’t have any of those. I don’t even have plants.

“Are you…?” my friend asked, unsure if my previous single status from 5 years ago had been altered.

It hadn’t.

“Single?” I finished his query for him.

“Most definitely.”

I am always single.

The last guy that I went out with was obsessed with my body (which he’d never seen) and our (potential) sexual energy. It was his favorite topic of conversation over text, in person, on the phone. 

I finally told him:

Dude, if we’re going to have sex, you’ll be the second person to know about it. Chill.

He apologized, but was embarrassed and thus avoided me thereafter and we never talked again. *shrugs in who cares*

There was the Chilean  – he of perfect height, good looks, and fantastic dancing skills – but, something something I’m moving in 6 months something something he’s gone for some months something something something nothing remotely serious.

And of course perennial crowd favorites: ex-boyfriends.

Tis the life of this single girl (who moves at least yearly).

But something happened the other night that got my attention. It wasn’t a date though.

I was making an excuse to leave aforementioned work mixer because Telenovela time was ticking away and bed time rapidly approaching.

“I’ve got to get food,” I said to the group.

“Oh, I’ll come with you,” a guy replied.

Perhaps he was making a get-away excuse too. I don’t know, but it definitely wasn’t a date.

It was more like a spontaneous eruption of dinner plans.  With a semi-stranger.

He and I had met once before in a coffee shop by chance and I worried a bit on the drive over to the agreed upon restaurant that our dinner conversation might be awkward. But, words rarely fail me and the conversation started with books (always a good sign). And because of the books that I read, it quickly became a two and a half hour conversation about racism.

I didn’t see that coming (despite my interest in the topic), but enjoyed it immensely.

It’s probably not obvious where I am going with all of this. You most likely think I am about to bemoan my single, and therefore, unworthy and lonely life. But this is not a lamentation. I find nothing particularly lamentable about things as they stand.

All of this buildup is solely for the purpose of pointing out my realization that it isn’t a relationship that I desire, but solid adult conversation. Conversations that go much deeper than talk of snowstorms and Donald Trump’s hair. Conversations about things that matter, about ideas and revolution. I’m tired of being in a conversation desert.

Which has exactly nothing to do with my relationship status. 

Sometimes when I’m bored or lonely or frustrated. I think maybe I’ll call -insert name of boy toy here. But adding another person into the mix be it by dating or a relationship isn’t likely to solve whatever it is that ails me.  I’ll still be bored, or dissatisfied or frustrated because the problem isn’t really about being in a relationship to begin with. 

Sometimes I have to put my phone down ( or delete certain numbers) and just sit with (and deal with) whatever the issue is instead of trying to throw another person at it. It’s exactly the same reason why having a baby won’t solve the problems between you and your plus one. 

Those are my random Thursday thoughts. I’m going to go and find some good conversation (and not a random dude) to slake my conversation drought thirst.

2 Comment on “Single Girl Problems: It Wasn’t A Date

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